MEN AND WOMEN ARE GREATLY DIFFERENT
Men think differently than women think... It is a fact of life. Yet science has proven that men think with one side of the brain at a time, and are therefore, what some call "mono minded".
Women think with both sides of their brain at a time, and as some call it ‘stereo minded".
Women can seemingly change the subject in the middle of a sentence, for they are thinking of more than one thing at a time. Men cannot do this, so when women do it, it drives men crazy. They do not understand why the woman does not want to discuss the other thing, and they probably do. It is just that the woman can think of both things at once, and men cannot.
Men and women were not made by God to be alike. God sees them as equals, but does not want them to be carbon copies of the other, but wants them to complement each other. Two hands may equally be part of the body, but one is made with the thumb on the left side, and the other with the thumb on the right. They are not alike, but they are equal.
The many differences between men and women, need to be laughed about, appreciated, and used for the purpose God made the differences.
Men are competitive.... but women are contributive. That is why men love sports with a passion, for they get into the competitiveness of sports. Men want a pecking order, and want to know who is in charge, and want to compete for them to be the one. That is why the ‘remote control’ to the television is usually found in the man’s hand. He wants to control the television, he is afraid he will watch the second best thing on tonight, so he has to race through the channels to see all that is on, and then back again to decide what is the best thing.
Men are usually better at chess. For they see it as a battle. Women are often shy to take a chess piece, for they do not want to make their opponent upset. So concentrating on how to be contributive to the relationship, they miss the competitive drive that makes men take that queen, and every pawn even they can. The women that I have seen good at chess, are those who learn to use that competitive drive against men, and challenge them slyly that the man cannot get their queen, and as the man chases the queen around the board, the woman then sneaks up and checkmates his king. Yet, that is a game. The competitive nature of a man has often been his downfall in the relationships.
The man sees a vacation trip in a competitive manner also. To him it is something to conquer. He has so many miles to make a day, that is the challenge. Can he do it??? Rest room breaks, stops to view the yard sale, are like unnecessary pit stops to the man.
The woman sees the trip as a thing that will contribute to the relationship.
She views and discusses the scenery, thinks of places the two of them can stop and enjoy, and all of that is like having a flat tire to the man, who often become irritable. The woman, not understanding the competitive drive of the man, thinks their relationship is in trouble, for he does not want to enjoy anything with her.
Women are relationship creatures, and want a relationship to develop into a calm relaxing, chummy, quiet, but serene relationship. As she has always wanted for after the marriage... but the man, who is competitive, want a commitment, wants to get the wedding over with, as a halfback wants to cross the goal line before being tackled.
I heard about a woman who was asked by her husband, "Why do you cry over some dog on televison that dies, and is not even real... it is so silly." The woman answered him... "Why do you yell and scream for a man you do not know, who is carrying a bunch of air wrapped in pigskin over a line?"
The reason is , men are competitive, and respond to those things. Women are contributive, and relational creatures. Women fall in love and forget themselves. Men fall in love and concentrate on themselves. Men pull back, when pushed for relationship, women pull back when men see the relationship as a game to be won. Women, who see the man pull back, want to pursue him... but if they would back off, and let the man see it as a competitive challenge to understand her need for ‘relationship’, then he would be back in a micro-second.
Men need to realize that women are not the competition, and women need to recognize that men are so competitive that the thing I just suggested to man to do, will seldom be done... LOL.
So women, let the man win. Tell him and assure him that he has won your heart, and the game is all his, but now you want to celebrate his victory, and build the relationship that you want, (but do not emphasize the part that it is something you want.
Men and women both assume that the other feels and thinks just as they do... and that leads to misunderstandings, and confusion on both parts. Take the beam out of your own eye, before working on the splinter in the other’s eye.
Women, realize that men see relationship as something they will have as soon as the current game is won... and men, stop trying to score touchdowns by getting her to admit you are right about this or that all the time.
Sit down and make a list, what would you change about yourself, to help your mate achieve his/her goal and nature. Then make a list, what would I want the other one to do to make me feel better about the contest, relationship. After making such a list, after due personal consideration of what to rewrite, or erase, then sit down and go over each other’s lists.
Then remember, men are visual, women are verbal. Women react with words, and women do not realize how easily a man is hurt with the words.
Just as a woman is hurt, if she spies her man gazing with an appreciative look at a pretty woman passing by, so a man is hurt by any words that indicate he is losing the game for which he is competitively working to win. The words cut like a sword and hurt the man. The woman being so verbal, does not see words as that important, and does not understand what he is all upset about, no more than the man understands why she is so upset that he said hi and smiled at the pretty waitress, just to see if she smiled back, so he could chalk that up as another touchdown in his competitive nature.
Man are moment oriented, women are future oriented. Men can only think of now, women can usually only be concerned about future. That is why men carry a wallet, with what he needs now, and women have purses with everything in them that they will need for the next year, medicine, enough band aids to get her though the next war, keys to things she has not opened in years, and every credit card to every store in the mall, etc. etc.
The man wants a commitment now. The woman first wants to think all things through, and to be sure she has it all figured out, down to the names of the first six children, where they will live, and what he wants for dinner on Christmas. The man only cares that she agrees with the ring on her finger, and has a hamburger ready now.
Women, realize that men are competitive. Do not try to compete. Do not try to get him to daily admit you won. Do not tell him how to hammer that nail right. Men, realize that a relationship is not a competition, and let her get to know you, and ask her questions about herself, and why she thinks this or than, and remember that a successful marriage needs 12 or more non-sexual touches a day, to confirm to a woman that your relationship is real.
Women, do not tell your husband to take out the garbage, he will see it as a defeat. Tell him that you will take it out if he is too tired, and you are strong enough to do it when he is too weak, and then watch him compete to beat you to the garbage. For he cannot look like he has been whipped.
Opposites do attract, and men and women are opposite in many ways. Night people marry day people, athletes marry artists, vegetarians marry steak lovers, prophets who speak whatever the Lord says to say, marry women who want to think all the future consequences of saying this or that out first.
Some one said there were three stages to a relationship:
1. honeymoon stage.
Everything seems so wonderful
and no problem can ever come between us time.
2. party is over stage.
everything seems so bleak,
and this problem is a whopper time.
3. let’s make a deal stage.
when everything to keep going on,
means that both must make some adjustments,
and learn to give, not just demand.
There are several ways to resolve some things:
1. my way
2. your way
3. half your way, half my way
4. our way
Until you are ready to define ‘our way’, and forgive each others’ ‘my way’, the relationship needs work.
Men, can you win this one? Can you compete to get this settled somewhere between the ‘now’ you want, and the ‘future’ she wants. Can you see the relationship without seeing it as a football game, and see the game as won, and now begins the celebration relationship party that should last a lifetime?
Women, can you understand that you need to reassure him that the game is won, he won, you are his for life, and now begin the celebration time. Women, do not be surprised if the man, forgets from time to time, that he is not a total failure if he does not have the remote control in his hand.